COMING OUT OF THE DARK




       My mind it’s so confuse all kind of thoughts keep flashing through.  I never thought I would find myself in this situation, I always thought men call my attention but now I’m not so sure, I find myself caught in women’s beauty. I notice I always used to compliment women, on their clothes and their  beautiful body. I didn’t see anything to it until one day a woman caressed my face and I felt a certain way I only felt when my body was caress by a man. I wanted to kiss her lips but I was afraid she wasn’t feeling the same way I did. I looked at her in the eyes, full of passion and desire, begging her to me higher than a man has ever taken me. I wanted to touch the star; I needed to make her mine. She finally did it, she kiss me. Her soft lips touched mine and her saliva was like sweet honey. She put her tongue in my mouth, making me want to kiss her over and over again. I didn’t want to stop,  I’m not sure if it was because it felt so good or because I was too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. We kissed for a while, I wanted her to touch me but I was afraid to ask. 
        The feelings I was having weren’t normal; I never felt that way before; as disgusting as this might have seem to me before, at that moment it was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experience. Suddenly, someone knock on the door, it was my mom. She said dinner was ready but I couldn’t get up, I was in the zone. I had felt in a tunnel of despair and as hard as I tried to get up or talk I couldn’t stand up, no words were coming out of my mouth; I was on a zone!  
      Now coming out of the dark is my biggest fear. I can no longer be myself: I can no longer be sincere. I’m not the same person I was before I went in that dark tunnel. So many things about me have changed, I don’t want to wear lipstick, high heel or tight pants. I would feel more comfortable wearing some big jeans, a jerzee, and a baseball cap. But I can’t ignore we live in a bleak world where people can’t understand each other; where people like us don't belong.  How can I yell out to the world that my feelings and emotions had change, I’m in love with a woman instead of a man? Not a lot of people would understand; I don’t think I'm strong enough to confront the world and stand the criticism of those I love. How can I come out the dark when the sunlight hurts my eyes? I’m trying to see pass the sunrays  but it’s almost impossible; it is too bright. I’m so accustomed to the dark, if I come out I might not be able to survive. 
      Maybe the light it’s not for everybody, some people like sunny days and some people like the rain. I want to stay in my cave where I don’t have to worry about having to explain myself. Where people would not look at me funny because of the way I dress and wouldn’t have to wonder whether I’m a woman or a man.  I can’t say I’m never going to come out the dark because I know I can’t run away from who I am. I can’t hide myself in a cave of fear my whole life but I’m going to try for as long as I can because I know how hard it is to come out of the dark.

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